On becoming ok with being pudgy (12/5/11)

Honestly, I cannot complain too much. Last I weighed myself, I’ve only gained about four pounds since we found out and I was starting with a just few extra from ‘normal’. I wish I had gained none in the first trimester because that would have meant losing the extra I didn’t need, but overall I’m really not doing that badly. I am on the higher end, but still within the healthy weight-gain range for someone who started out with a healthy BMI.
That is what I tell myself anyway…there’s still that “dieter” that lurks inside of me, that possessed me to start counting calories at 13, and really opposes my beginning-to-pop belly. At 16 weeks, I don’t think I look pregnant, I think I look pudgy. I don’t have any part of my body that’s particularly thin and then this little protruding bump to suggest that it is baby weight gain. I just look thick, like I gained happily-married pounds and let myself go a bit. Sigh…I really am trying to be ok with it, to see the miracle and beauty in it, but it’s really tough right now, especially when maintaining a ‘healthy’ weight has been such a struggle for the entirety of my post-pubescent life. Laziness and giving into unhealthy cravings has been on the rise lately so I know that’s part of my dilemma.
At the end of the week, I have my next OB appt. I’ll wait to see what she says about my progress (I/m trusting she’ll address it if she thinks there’s a problem). In the meantime, I’ll be choking down my carrots, trying to not give into my sweet tooth (or at least not mentioning it to my dear husband who is excellent at indulging me), and trying to up my activity (running 2-3 times a week, but need to add on a couple days of walking/weights). Deep down I know I am doing pretty well overall, and I’ll keep telling myself that, and do my best during this hectic holiday season.